Mystical Caribbean Loveleaf


Click Here
For The Best Deals on the Internet

Star Trek The Original Series ( TOS )


Answering Machine Greetings

Actual answering machine messages recorded and verified by the World famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers:
1.) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished washing dishes.
2.) Hi, John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.... Please speak very slowly while I write down the message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.
3.) A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
4.) Hi, this is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
5.) Hi. Now you say something.
6.) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
7.) Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
8.) This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
9.) Hi. I'm probably home, and just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.
10.) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
That's Comedy! - The Net's #1 Joke eBook


Batlet Swords
Batlet Swords

Get Top Selection of Audiobooks for Download.
Welcome to Audible! They are the leading provider of downloadable audio, offering a vast selection of audiobooks, newspapers, magazines, radio shows and a whole lot more. It's easy: download and listen at your computer, in your car, as you walk, or ANYWHERE you choose!
Save up to 80% compared with audiobooks on tape or CD.
Don't Have Enough Storage Space for Your New Audiobooks ?  Click here to get unlimited file storage for all your files - MP3, Divx, Anime, Movies, Images, Music, anything!

Get Top Selection of Audiobooks for Download.  Such As:

Star Trek: Enterprise, the First Adventure Star Trek: Enterprise, the First Adventure

Author: Vonda N. McIntyre
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and George Takei
He was an Iowa farm boy and a war hero, promoted to the command of the Federation's most powerful starship. His first mission: to shuttle a troop of vaudevillians to a distant starbase. But a comedy of errors turns to deadly drama when a renegade Klingon tries to provoke a war with the Federation, and a wondrous, peaceful world is caught in between. Suddenly Captain Kirk is playing a part he never learned in school: fighting for the respect - and the survival - of his crew, on a mission that could turn out to be his last.


Star Trek: The Entropy Effect Star Trek: The Entropy Effect

Author: Vonda N. McIntyre
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and George Takei
A restless, passionate Enterprise crew is called to Aleph Prime, where a demented physicist and murderer, Georges Mordreaux, must be transported to Rehabilitation Colony Seven. Incredibly, despite heavy security, Mordreaux breaks loose on board - and fatally guns down Captain Kirk! Suddenly the Enterprise is fighting for its life, while Spock realizes that Mordreaux is only part of a far more dangerous phenomenon. Mordreaux's past experiments have created alternate realities in the present, and known existence is beginning to unravel. Now Spock must count on Mordreaux himself to help undo what has already been done - and to bring Kirk back from the dead.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek: Windows on a Lost World Star Trek: Windows on a Lost World

Author: V.E. Mitchell
Narrator: Walter Koenig
When Captain Kirk and a landing party from the U.S.S. Enterprise explore the ruins of an ancient civilization on the uninhabited planet Careta IV, they discover strange devices that appear to be windows. But the mysterious windows prove to be more than they seem when Kirk, Chekov, and two security guards enter them and disappear. Suddenly, Kirk and his team find themselves trapped in a strange alien environment and must fight with all their strength to survive and keep their sanity. Now Spock must locate his missing comrades and solve the windows' ancient mysteries before his captain and crewmates are lost forever...
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: The Hobayashi Maru Star Trek: The Kobayashi Maru

Author: Julia Ecklar
Narrator: James Doohan
The Kobayashi Maru is the test given to cadets at the Starfleet Academy - a simulated no-win situation in space. For James Kirk it was a challenge that defined him as a leader. For Chekov it meant a struggle against his own personality. For Sulu and Scotty it was a matter of the spirit and a second chance....Now, the Starfleet officers look back on those youthful days. Their shuttlecraft is drifting helplessly in space. Sharing with each other the painful, often fierce lessons of their Kobayashi Maru, each man struggles to tap his inner strength and to overcome the most desperate situation of their careers!
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Web of the Romulans Star Trek: Web of the Romulans

Author: M.S. Murdock
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and George Takei
The Enterprise's central computer becomes infatuated with James Kirk - just as a Romulan warship attacks! But the attack is a deadly feint. The Romulans are being ravaged by a killer plague, and to save their civilization they must invade Canara, where the only known antidote can be found. Suddenly the galaxy is hurtling toward war. The Canarans threaten mass suicide and the Federation masses a counterattack against the Romulans. Kirk, his amorous computer, and the Enterprise crew have one chance left to avert an all-out conflagration: they must save their most dangerous enemies - and deliver the Romulans the antidote at any cost.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek: Faces of Fire Star Trek: Faces of Fire

Author: Michael Jan Friedman
En route to Alpha Malurian Six to settle a dispute between two religions, the U.S.S. Enterprise stops for a routine progress check on the terraforming colony on Beta Canzandia Three. While Spock is left behind to continue his scientific studies, the Enterprise crew continues to Alpha Malurian Six, only to find that the dispute has turned to war. But as Captain Kirk attempts to settle the hostilities, he is confronted by a woman from his past - and when a Klingon faction attempts to take control of the terraforming colony, Spock must use everything in his power to defeat the Klingons or face certain death...
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Shadows On The Sun Star Trek: Shadows On The Sun

Author: Michael Jan Friedman
Narrator: James Doohan
As a young doctor with a beautiful family and a promising medical career, Dr. McCoy thought he had it all. But when his beloved wife suddenly broke off their marriage, McCoy fled to Starfleet intent on burying his pain in the depths of space. Now, some 40 years later, the U.S.S. Enterprise is ordered to transport a group of mediators to the planet Ssan, a world where assassination is a long, time-honored tradition. Dr. McCoy is suprised to learn that his ex-wife, now remarried, is one of the mediators. But before he can begin to face his feelings, she and Captain Kirk are trapped by a band of deadly assassins. Suddenly, McCoy is at the center of an explosive civil war, where he is the only one with the power to save the woman who once broke his heart.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Hardcover (1999 edition)


Star Trek: Prime Directive Star Trek: Prime Directive

Author: Garfield and Judith Reeves-Stevens
Narrator: James Doohan
They call it Kirk's World, a once vibrant planet reduced to a post-nuclear horrorscape because of James Kirk's failure to obey the Federation's most important law: the Prime Directive. But was Kirk really responsible for the destruction of the planet Talin, or was some other, far more sinister force at work? While a bearded, exiled Kirk struggles to regain the command of his ship, his former crew membrs are banding together to fight for their honor and their careers. The future of the Enterprise is at stake - and the truth of Talin's Armageddon is far more frightening than anyone can imagine.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Federation Star Trek: Federation

Author: Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
Narrator: Mark Lenard
Captain Kirk and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701 are faced with their most challenging mission: rescuing renowned scientist Zefram Cochrane from an evil captor who wants to use Cochrane's skills to conquer the galaxy. Meanwhile, 99 years in the future on the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701- D, Captain Picard and his crew are heading toward a black hole that, unbeknownst to them, holds the key to the future of the Federation. As the two crews struggle to fulfill their missions, destiny draws them closer together until past and future merge - and the fate of each of the two legendary starships rest in the hands of the other.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Yesterday's Son Star Trek: Yesterday's Son

Author: A.C. Crispin
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and James Doohan
On a planet code-named Gateway stands a mysterious portal to the past, the Guardian of Forever. Spock, Kirk, and McCoy have just returned from a voyage through the gateway with a young man named Zar - Spock's own son from ancient Sarpeidon! But while Spock and the brilliant, primitive youth try to bridge a gap of centuries and cultures, Gateway is seized by the Romulans. The Enterprise must destroy the planet rather than let the Romulans use the past as a weapon - and Kirk has 12 hours to find a way out. Only Spock and Zar have any chance of penetrating the Romulan forces on Gateway. Suddenly, father and son are plunged into a fierce fight for their lives - and a battle to keep the Romulans from fatally changing the past! Featuring a dramatic reading by Leonard Nimoy and James Doohan, and enhanced with sound effects and an original score!
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek: Time for Yesterday Star Trek: Time for Yesterday

Author: A.C. Crispin
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and James Doohan
The powerful, long-awaited sequel to Yesterday's Son. Waves of distorted time are crashing through the universe - destroying everything in their path. Federation scientists pinpoint the source: the Guardian of Forever, the portal to the past where Spock had once journeyed back to meet his son, Zar. Only Spock's son has ever made mind contact with the Guardian - and now Spock, Kirk, and McCoy are reunited on a desperate mission to take the Enterprise to Gateway. Their goal is to bring Zar out of the past to contact the Guardian of Forever and save civilization. But Zar is leading his primitive people into a calamitous war - and unless Kirk and Spock can change the course of history, Zar is doomed to die!
Get your favorite Star Trek adventures in audio.* Type " Time for Yesterday " in the Search Box

Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek: The Eugenics Wars: The Rise and Fall of Khan Noonien Singh Star Trek: The Eugenics Wars: The Rise and Fall of Khan Noonien Singh

Author: Greg Cox
Narrator: Anthony Stewart Head
Even centuries later, the final decades of the 20th century are still regarded as one of the darkest and most perilous chapters in the history of humanity. Now, as an ancient and forbidden technology tempts mankind once more, Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise must probe deep into the secrets of the past, to discover the true origins of the dreaded Eugenics Wars - and of perhaps the greatest foe he has ever faced.
1974 A.D.: An international consortium of the world's top scientists have conspired to create the Chrysalis Project, a top-secret experiment in human genetic engineering. The project's goal is the creation of a new super-race to take command of the entire planet.
Gary Seven, an undercover operative for an advanced alien species, is alarmed by the project's objectives; he knows too well the apocalyptic consequences of genetic manipulation. But he may already be too late. One generation of super-humans has already been conceived. Seven watches as the children of Chrysalis - in particular, a brilliant youth named Khan Noonien Singh - grow to adulthood. Can Khan's dark destiny be averted - or is Earth doomed to fight a global battle for supremacy?
Get your favorite Star Trek adventures in audio. * Type " eugenics " in the Search Box
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Hardcover
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette
Prefer Compact Disc (CD) instead of Audio Download? Compact Disc


Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Authors: Leonard Nimoy, Harve Bennett, and Vonda N. McIntyre
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and George Takei
Their ship destroyed and their captain facing charges that could end his career, the men and woman of the Enterprise head home - to a planet Earth on the verge of extinction! An alien space probe has begun to destroy the atmosphere and threaten all forms of life. Somewhere in the 20th century is the key to the probe's deadly fury. Kirk and his crew must make a desperate journey into the past - to save the only hope of the future.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek V: The Final Frontier Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Authors: David Loughery, William Shatner, and Harve Bennett
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy and George Takei
The planet Nimbus 3. A desolate, forbidding world, situated in the heart of the Neutral Zone. Unremarkable, except for one thing : Nimbus 3 is the site of an unprecedented attempt at cooperation among the galaxy's three major powers. Here, to this " Planet of Galactic Peace, " the Klingons, the Romulans, and the Federation have all sent ambassadors, who are working together to develop the planet - an experiment that, if it succeeds, could transform the galactic balance of power. But now terrorists have seized control of Nimbus lll. And when Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise attempt a dramatic rescue, they discover a threat unlike any they have ever faced, a threat that will force them to confront the inner demons of their own, secret pasts - and forbidden secrets that lie at the center of the galaxy itself...
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Author: J.M. Dillard
Narrator: James Doohan
Stardate: 8679.25: The Klingon Empire is on the verge of collapse. When the primary energy source is destroyed, Gorkon, the chancellor of the Klingon High Council, must consider negotiations between the Empire and the Federation. With a chance to end years of hostility between the two powers, Captain Kirk and the U.S.S. Enterprise are dispatched to escort the chancellor safely into Federation space. But a treacherous assassination brings negotiations to a sudden halt - and puts Kirk and Dr. McCoy in the hands of the Federation's greatest enemy. Now Spock and the rest of the Enterprise crew must uncover a deadly secret that threatens the galaxy with the most destructive conflict it has ever known.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: The Ashes of Eden Star Trek: The Ashes of Eden

Author: William Shatner
Narrator: William Shatner
The time: six months prior to the launch of the U.S.S. Enterprise 1701-B and the tragic loss of Captain James T. Kirk in deep space. The place: Earth, where the galaxy's most renowned hero must face the spectre of retirement. But Kirk's path takes an unexpected turn when a mysterious woman offers him an irresistible adventure - a voyage to an uncharted planet where he will confront the ultimate threat to the peace between the Federation and the Klingon Empire, and the ultimate temptation - a chance to recapture his youth.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Vulcan's Forge Star Trek: Vulcan's Forge

Author: Josepha Sherman and Susan Shwartz
Narrator: Leonard Nimoy
Decades ago, Captain Spock had teamed up with David Rabin, the young son of a Starfleet captain, to fight an attempted coup on Vulcan that would have turned the planet's people away from the path of logic. Now a Starfleet officer, Captain David Rabin has been assigned to a harsh desert world much like Vulcan, where the Federation is determined to protect the lives of the inhabitants. But Rabin's efforts are being sabotaged and he has asked for Spock's help against the unknown forces that may well destroy the society he had come to save. While reflecting on his youthful adventure with Rabin, Spock joins him to face an enemy out of their past and confront deadly Romulan treachery. In the process Spock will decide if the path of his life now leads back toward family traditions he had sought once to escape.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback   Hardcover
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Star Trek: Vulcan's Heart Star Trek: Vulcan's Heart

Author: Josepha Sherman and Susan Shwartz
Narrator: Tim Russ
2329: Now a diplomat for the United Federation of Planets, Spock agrees to a bonding with Commander Saavik. More than a betrothal, less than a wedding, the sacred Vulcan rite is attended by both Spock's father Sarek and a nervous young Starfleet lieutenant named Jean-Luc Picard. 2344: Ambassador Spock receives a top-secret communication from the heart of the Romulan Empire. Decades before, Spock had met and betrayed an honorable Romulan commander during the so-called "Enterprise incident." Now she needs his help to prevent a catastrophe that could threaten the peace of the entire quadrant. Spock risks everything by traveling incognito to Romulus itself, but his covert mission becomes even more perilous when Saavik crosses the Neutral Zone to rescue him. Enmeshed in the treacherous political intrigues of the Romulan capital, undone by a fire that grows ever hotter within his blood, Spock must use all of his logic and experience to survive a crisis that will ultimately determine the fate of empires.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback   Hardcover
Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? Audio Cassette


Warped Factors: A Neurotic's Guide to the Universe Warped Factors: A Neurotic's Guide to the Universe

Author: Walter Koenig
Narrator: Walter Koenig
From childhood to Chekov, this is the story of Walter Koenig who endured growing up as the neurotic child of Russian immigrants in 1940s Manhattan and became a successful actor with the role of Pavel Chekov, Russian navigator of the U.S.S. Enterprise on Star Trek. With wit, candor, and a gift for storytelling, Koenig navigates the listener through his galaxy, providing behind-the-scenes details of his private life as well as an insider's view of the evolution of one of the greatest series in all of sci-fi.
Get your favorite Star Trek adventures in audio. * Type " warped " in the Search Box


The Physics of Star Trek The Physics of Star Trek

Author: Lawrence M. Krauss
Narrator: Lawrence M. Krauss
What actually happens when the words, "beam me up, Scottie" are uttered? What "warps" when something travels at warp speed? Internationally renowned theoretical physicist and educator Lawrence M. Krauss provides matter-of-fact scientific explanations of the physics of Star Trek in this highly creative and informative guide for both the devoted Trekkie and the physics novice. Krauss reviews the basic laws of physics, as well as the ideas of leading physicists, including Newton, Hawking, Einstein, Feynman, Kirk, and Janeway.


Prefer Audio Cassette instead of Audio Download? 30 day Rental or Purchase Audio Cassette
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback
Beyond Star Trek Beyond Star Trek -
Physics from Alien Invasions to the End of Time

Author: Lawrence M. Krauss
Narrator: Lawrence M. Krauss
You're watching The X-Files or Independence Day and you ask yourself, could this really happen? Back by popular demand, the best selling author of The Physics of Star Trek has put together an entertaining and eye-opening account of the laws of physics and how they relate to notions found in popular culture and lore. Among the vast topics covered are interstellar travel, including the latest on warp drive systems, alien visitation, time, consciousness, ESP, the probability of life in the universe, and quantum reality. Lawrence M. Krauss, who has been compared to the late Carl Sagan, is one of the pre-eminent scientists writing today for the general public.
Prefer Print instead of Audio Download? Paperback


Beyond Star Trek Beyond Star Trek: The Final Degeneration


Authors: Cathy Crimmins and Tom Maeder
Narrator: Gary Owens
The inside story of how a television show almost took over the universe. Imagine a world where everything is Star Trek, from the plates you eat on to the music you listen to. Even stranger, in this world everyone you meet is or has been an actor on the show and everything that's ever happened can be traced back to an episode of Star Trek. You'll hear confidential memos written by Deep Throat Nine to Paramount, that contain suggestions on how to enhance Star Trek's domination of the known universe - on how such a world should and could exist.


Star Trek Memories By William Shatner and Chris Kreski Star Trek Memories By William Shatner and Chris Kreski

When Star Trek debuted in 1966, it seemed like an odd TV show for prime-time. The shaky ratings over the next few seasons confirmed that. But during the last three decades, the series has exploded into a world wide, billion-dollar industry with legions of devotees. What is its charm?
Perhaps the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, or the man who played him, can offer the best insider's view. William Shatner (aka James T. Kirk) combines his recollections with those of his colleagues for a backstage look at the series. Learn about practical jokes among castmembers, the truth about Kirk and Uhura's first interracial primetime kiss, the "Save Star Trek" campaign, and much, much more.

Audio Cassette: 30 day Rental or Purchase Audio Cassette


Star Trek Movie Memories By William Shatner and Chris Kreski Star Trek Movie Memories By William Shatner and Chris Kreski

Shatner picks up where he left off in Star Trek Memories, relating in equally explicit detail what went into making the seven Star Trek movies he's starred in. He tells of the chaos, creative turmoil, backstage politics and production mishaps (some of them hilarious) that dogged the films. With candor, he also reveals the grudges that haven't mellowed with the passage of time.
"Brimming with juicy anecdotes and trivia that will take Trekkers where no man -- or woman -- has gone before." (B-O-T Editorial Review Board)

Audio Cassette: 30 day Rental or Purchase Audio Cassette ( Unabridged )


The Classic Star Trek Trivia Book The Classic Star Trek Trivia Book

This IS the CLASSIC! If you are a Star Trek addict, this is the book for YOU! The author has dedicated hundreds of hours watching episode after episode, over and over again - at regular speed, in extra slow motion, and in stop action. It contains everything you ever wanted to know (and perhaps some things you don't) about the original Star Trek series. Volume One contains the questions...Volume Two contains the answers. As a Trekkie you can't be without it! Download it NOW!


I'm Working on That: A Trek from Science Fiction to Science Fact I'm Working on That: A Trek from Science Fiction to Science Fact

Over the past three decades, Star Trek has become a global phenomenon. Its celebration of mankind's technical achievements and positive view of the future have earned it an enduring place in the world's psyche. It has inspired countless viewers to become scientists, inventors, and astronauts. And they, in turn, have wondered if they could make even a little piece of Star Trek real in their own lifetime. As one noted scientist said when he saw a plywood, plaster and plastic set that represented the ship's warp engines, 'I'm working on that.'



Also of Interest

Best Star Trek Costumes on the Web! Click Here or on Individual Product Pictures.
Star Trek The Original Series Shirt Red Blue or Gold Star Trek Dress Red - For the ladies who love Star Trek - the original series!

StandUps from Hollywood Mega Store. PHOTO REALISTIC, BIG AS LIFE, CARDBOARD CUTOUTS WILL BRIGHTEN YOUR ROOM, DISPLAY AREA, OR PARTY! Size Range : 4 feet - 7 feet plus
Star Trek: Capt. Kirk Lifesize Standup. Height 6'1 Star Trek: Capt. Kirk Lifesize Standup. Height 5'11 Star Trek: Mr. Spock Lifesize Standup. Height 5'11 Star Trek: Dr. McCoy Lifesize Standup. Height 5'11 click here for more information

Shop the Star Trek Store at Amazon
Shop Star Trek at Amazon.com

Where Do You Want to Trek to Next?

Star Trek The Original Series (TOS) Star Trek The Next Generation (NG) Star Trek Deep Space Nine (DS9)

Star Trek Voyager (Voyager) Star Trek Excelsior Star Trek New Frontier

Star Trek The Original Series ( TOS ) - Thank You

Star Trek The Original Series (TOS)   Star Trek The Next Generation (NG)   Star Trek Deep Space Nine (DS9)
Star Trek Voyager (Vgr)   Star Trek Excelsior   Star Trek New Frontier

    Home