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9 Reasons Santa Can't Be A Man

  • Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
  • Men don't answer their mail.
  • Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
  • Men can't pack a bag.
  • Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
  • Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
  • Men don't like to wrap presents, so if Santa were a man, the gifts would be in their bags.
  • Men don't ask for directions, and Santa would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds.
  • Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
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