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Skipping Church

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root.
At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, "Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian."
And at that instant... the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, "Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!"
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Deer Hunter

A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill with his family for Sunday dinner.

He didn't want his sons to refuse tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without telling them what the meat was they were about to eat.

"Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?"

"Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it."

The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their forks.

"Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son.

"Only if you take a bite.", said the father.

As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time."

The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"
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Washington Hunting Laws

  • 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
  • 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
  • 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
  • 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
  • 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
  • 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
  • 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
  • 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
  • 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
  • 10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
  • 11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
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